URGENT VIRUS WARNING!

B

Bill Connelly

Guest
This virus warning was received from a hermit Yaqui Indian holy man who has
been living for the past 220 years in a refigerator crate in the vast and
unexplored rainforests near Mays Landing, New Jersey where he has survived
on a diet solely consisting of cocktail onions and smoked oysters, so you
MUST take this warning seriously!!! I never met him or even heard of him,
but any warning from someplace and someone exotic like that must be the real
thing, right!?! This warning has been around the world a gazillion and 12
times and those who have failed to heed it are really really sorry now!!!
One poor unfortunate who ignored this warning in Mendota, Illinois now
cannot pronounce the word "whiffleball" without getting big laughs, while
another wretch in Burlington, Kentucky who po-pooed and deleted this alarm
now suffers from unremitting and persistent late night calls from ointment
salesmen.

A fearsome new variety of airborne computer virus called "Male Bovine
Excrement" is wreaking havoc on all computers in its downwind path!!! Unlike
earlier types of computer virus, "Male Bovine Excrement" infects hapless
computers by seeping into the air holes of the computer and monitor!!! Once
there, "Male Bovine Excrement" will leap snarling from the computer's hard
drive to cause stuttering and male pattern baldness in beloved household
pets, regardless of sex or species, before running off into the night to go
work under their name at a toll booth on the New Jersey Turnpike, where it
will mock the Pope and pass wind and Canadian coinage to hapless
motorists!!!. "Male Bovine Excrement" will scramble any disks that are even
close to your computer!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will recalibrate your
refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty!!! "Male
Bovine Excrement" will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CD's you try to play!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will give your
ex-girlfriend your new phone number!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will mix
Kool-aid into your fishtank!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will drink all your
beer and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming
over!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will leave a dead hamster in the back
pocket of your good suit pants and hide your car keys when you are late for
work!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will make you fall in love with a penguin!!!
"Male Bovine Excrement" will give you nightmares about circus midgets!!!
"Male Bovine Excrement" will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both
your eyebrows while dating your girlfriend behind your back and billing the
dinner and hotel room to your Discover card!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will
seduce your great-grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead, such is
the power of "Male Bovine Excrement", it reaches out beyond the grave to
sully those things we hold most dear!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" moves your
car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it!!! "Male Bovine
Excrement" will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your
voice!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" is insidious and SUBTLE!!! "Male Bovine
Excrement" is dangerous and terrifying to behold!!! "Male Bovine Excrement"
is also a rather interesting shade of mauve!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will
give you Dutch Elm disease!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will leave the toilet
seat up!!! "Male Bovine Excrement" will make a batch of Methamphetamine in
your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to
chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower!!!

The ONLY defense against "Male Bovine Excrement" is to completely seal all
of those air holes in your computer and monitor with duct tape and to seal
your keyboard and mouse in plastic bags!!! Better still, you can hide all
of these in the bilge of your Amphicar, where the assembled oily fumes and
curative holy waters of the bilge will repel the evil "Male Bovine
Excrement" virus!!! But first you should delete all files on your computer
whose names begin with the letters "M" or "B" or "E". since these are the
mark of the "Male Bovine Excrement" beast!!!!!!

FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU'VE EVER MET!!!...EVEN PEOPLE YOU DON'T
PARTICULARLY LIKE, BARELY KNOW OR WOULDN'T REALLY WANT TO SHARE AN ELEVATOR
WITH!!! DO IT NOW BEFORE IT"S TOO LATE!!! DO IT NOW!!! DON'T WAIT!!!
DON'T THINK!!! DON'T QUESTION FOR A SECOND WHETHER THIS MAY BE TRUE!!!!!!

For more information, please visit:

http://www.stiller.com/gull.htm

http://hoaxbusters.ciac.org/

And with all due respect to ancient, sage and wizzened Yaqui holy men, for
REAL protection against viruses, you should obtain, install and most
importantly REGULARLY UPDATE a decent virus scanning program like Norton
Anti-Virus:

http://nct1.digitalriver.com/fulfill/0001.14

~Bilgemaster~
 

Similar threads


Top