How to Unsubscribe, a.k.a. Get Off Board

Discussion in 'General Amphicar Discussion' started by Amphipoda@yahoo.com, Aug 25, 2001.

  1. Amphipoda@yahoo.com
    Online

    How to Unsubscribe;
    For those of you who desire to be rid
    of the repeated nagging embellishments
    and fact filled joys of this Amphi-Lovers
    bulletin board, I've outline seven simple
    methods that can be used to completely
    and forever remove yourselves from our
    amphibious world.

    1. Buy a new computer! Your old one is
    hopelessly linked to our web toed world
    and cannot be freed without substantial
    hardware and software reconfigurations.
    Quite honestly a new computer is a much
    cheaper avenue and then you can brag to
    your hostage juvenile audience how cool
    your new computer system is.

    2. Change all your email accounts to some
    new carrier! This is has its drawbacks
    naturally, and you will no doubt lose over
    half of your mailbox contacts. However,
    most of those people really didn't want to
    receive your email anyway, so now you can
    intrude into their lives all over again
    with a new email handle. Might I suggest
    something like "TheAnti-Amphi@Hades.com"

    3. Learn to simulate dyslexia! Surround
    your computer monitor with an array of a
    dozen or more mirrors in a dimly light room.
    Your gift for inaccurately following the
    simplest instructions will be enhanced to
    levels not previously thought possible
    with the human brain. You will be the
    envy of idiots and simpletons the world
    over. Eventually, like a million monkeys
    on a million computers you will stumble
    upon the key to unsubscribe.

    4. Seek the best therapy money can buy!
    Find a therapist that will help you control
    those deep seeded tendencies in which you
    constantly find yourself "wanting to be removed."
    These are not healthy thoughts. With sufficient
    psychotropic drugs and electroshock you may find
    you would rather be a part of something... anything.

    5. Contact an Amphi-Lover member OFF-Line for help!
    This is a bit of gamble really, as not all members
    empathize as well as Bilgemaster and I. The risk
    here is that you request help from an unsympathetic
    member who broadcasts your unsubscribe plea for
    everyone else to read and laugh at. The horror...
    the horror...

    6. Post to all Amphi-Lover members ON-Line for help!
    Oh sure, there will be some ridicule and laughing at
    you, but you will be recognized as clearly being
    confused and/or have a massive pair of............
    egos! In either case someone might help you, or
    maybe not, but at least you tried. Eventually the
    bulletin board administrator will take pity on you
    and do with two simple key strokes what you have
    been totally unable to comprehend.

    7. Obtain an Amphicar ride for yourself!
    It is strongly recommended you do this BEFORE
    attempting to unsubscribe. Who knows, maybe
    you'll want to remain in our midst, even become
    one of us and buy your very own Amphicar.
    Besides anyone who gives you an Amphi ride
    should NOT know of your desire to get off the
    Amphi-Lovers board - otherwise you could be
    handed a 200 pound anchor and given a little
    nudge overboard. Overboard - Offboard,
    same thing more or less.

    Amphipoda
    '64 Turquoise
    San Diego, CA
     
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