Re: Re: Failed Inventions
I finally caught a re-broadcast of that Modern Marvels 'Failed Inventions'
episode on Saturday, and it fairly took my breath away. Owning an Amphicar
for nearly a decade, I thought I had gotten used to hearing a lot of hooey
in the media about the marque. After all, it's rare to find any published
description of the vehicle that does not contain at least a few errors. But
there are SO many errors of fact and outright misinterpretations in even
that short 'Failed Inventions' Amphicar segment that it is actually
difficult to find anything at all in it that's actually TRUE. 'History
Channel' indeed!...more like the 'Bullshit Channel'. They really ought to
be ashamed of themselves for airing such a festering gob of misinformation.
Don't they employ any fact checkers? I mean, if some sub-moron produced a
history of the ancient Roman sack of Jerusalem that informed us that "the
Emperor Vespasian was too busy water skiing to attend the victory
celebrations," would it just go on the air as-is?
One could almost make a contest of spotting this 'Modern Marvels' episode's
defects if it weren't so easy. Spot the Bovine By-Products! Fun for the
whole family!
Here's a exact transcript of the whole Amphicar segment, numbered for easy
reference. Can you spot all the steaming massives?:
1. But surely the most unusual failed car design was the product of a German
amphibious aircraft designer, Hans Trippler.
2. The Amphiscar [sic] came out in the mid-sixties, when the Bond movies
were big, and the notion that you could just head into the water to escape
pursuit has a kind of escapist appeal.
3. For nine years beginning in 1960, Trippler exported nearly 3,000 of his
Amphicars to the U.S.
4. Each Amphicar came with a Standard 4-cylinder engine and its own bilge
pump.
5. A false bottom floor protects electrical wiring and gives added
protection from leaks.
6. A dash-mounted switch engages the transmission-powered dual propellers.
7. [Amphipoda speaks:] "Pardon me. Do you have any Grey Poupon? The Amphicar
handles primarily like a car in the water, but consequently it handles
pretty much like a boat on land. The twin propellers in the rear turn in
the same direction. Only one way can you turn pretty efficiently. The other
way turns kind of like the Queen Mary."
8. Costing nearly the same amount as a Mustang, the public faced a tough
choice: cool muscle car, or ugly duckling that was all wet.
9. The Mustang won the popularity contest.
10. [Patrick Sullivan speaks:] "The legacy will be a great idea that never
was popularlized enough, and so never took off."
Here are the errors that I can easily spot according to numbered reference:
1. His name was "Trippel", not "Trippler", and he was never an "amphibious
aircraft designer."
2. Hey Mr. Expert Guy, it's not "AmphiScar", just "Amphicar," and it did not
come out in the "mid-sixties," but in 1960. And by the way, the first James
Bond film, 'Dr. No', was not even released in the U.S.A. until May 8, 1963,
nearly halfway through the sales life of the Amphicar in America.
3. Whoops! There's that "Trippler" error again, and it was exported for just
short of seven years, not nine, and there were OVER 3,000 brought to the
U.S, not 'nearly 3000.' The actual number was 3,046 brought to the USA of
the total 3,878 produced.
4. Congratulations! You've found the ONLY bullshit-free sentence in the
segment not uttered by one of the actual Amphicar-owning interviewees, but
even here one can only remain sceptical as to whether the "Standard"
charitibly transcribed above with a capital 'S' actually refers in the
producers' own minds to the proper name of the company that manufactured the
engine (i.e. Standard Motor Company or Standard-Triumph), or is actually
just "standard," with a lower case 's', being the synonym for "normal" or
"regular". If the latter case, while not an error as such, it might
nevertheless qualify as an omission.
5. This is just two full helpings of baseless nonsense. No further comment
required.
6. Sure...and a mirror-mounted retina scanner initiates the warp drive pods.
Puh-leeze!
7. Well well well...Brother Amphipoda appears. At long last we hear someone
speak who actually knows the difference between an Amphicar and an
armadillo. Still, I'll bet the producers of this slop fest had an hour's
worth of great interview tape, but chose to include the only marginally less
than lauditory snippit therefrom in order to selectively comply with their
hamfisted preconceptions of 'failure'. Come to think of it, ANSWER THIS
QUICKLY: In which direction, port (left) or starboard (right) does the
Amphicar turn faster? I mean, if it were really such a noticeable issue,
you'd know right away, yeah?. The segment rather makes it sound as if you
might sail off straight into the horizon if you zigged instead of zagged.
Frankly, just for the hell of it I will sometimes circle in the water first
to port then starboard several times before I can see any marked difference.
Grey Poupon indeed...Steaming Grey Poupon.
8. Considering that the Amphicar came on the market fully four years before
the Mustang first saw the light of day, this is an odd comparison. It's
rather on the same illogical plane as saying, "Buyers faced this choice: buy
an Amphicar, or wait nearly forty years for a Hyundai with a CD player."
The statement is further marred by use of the anachronous term "muscle car,"
which, according to the Merriam Webster Unabridged Dictionary, did not even
come into common use until 1969, two full years after the last Amphicar was
imported into the U.S.A. A similar linguistic anachronism might be to claim
that "George Washington told his troops to just 'chill out' at Valley Forge
until Spring." Use of such non-historical parlance is just not in the
spirit of proper historical method.
9. More drivel. The first full year of Mustang sales in the U.S.A. was
1965, by coincidence the very same year that the LAST Amphicars were
actually constructed for the U.S. market in the Germany Amphicar factory in
Berlin (though many of these were shipped and production-dated later for
legal and sales reasons). If there had been a contest between Mustang and
Amphicar, someone must have forgotten to tell the folks actually making the
Amphicars. huh?
10. ...And then Patrick 'takes off' in the water..."Failed Invention"
indeed.
In short, this segment is just SO chock full of humbug throughout that those
responsible for its production should better restrict themselves in future
to some fantasy genre like tooth fairy promos, and should never ever again
be allowed to approach topics purporting to be factual. Almost all of the
above described errors, omissions and misrepresentations could have been
easily avoided with a quarter hour's internet research. All of them with an
hour's worth, or an email to the Club. Sure, we're not talking about
finding a cure for cancer here, but it should nevertheless be understood
that in the academic world of History, with a capital 'H', foisting such an
unalloyed compendium of errors, inventions and outright misrepresentations
would be a grievous enough miscarriage as to likely cost a working historian
his or her career. Apparently the 'History Channel' feels no such rigor
towards truth in its works is necessary as a matter of policy, as a Google
search of "history channel bullshit" quickly reveals. But what the hell. I
will continue to enjoy my "Failed Invention" regardless of their drivel. On
the other hand, I will probably NOT be returning any calls ij future from
producers for History Channel or its subsidiaries A&E or Discovery Channel
looking for footage or interviews if this is the best they can do.
~Bilgemaster~
-----Original Message -----
From: Amphipoda
To: amphicar-lovers@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Saturday, December 13, 2003 11:11 AM
Subject: [amphicar-lovers] Re: Failed Inventions
My favorite bogus line was, "The propellers are engaged by a dash mounted
switch." While the camera pans the T-trottle. No matter how much we tried
to prove Amphi was/is a success, the nice folks at Modern Marvels were
determined to make our Amphis fit the "Failed Inventions" theme. Oh well,
it was fun.
Amphipoda (day 4 of flu)
'64 Turquoise
San Diego, CA
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