Amphi Venting...?

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I noticed a few postings last week regarding
Amphi venting. Now I gotta ask what in the
world would cause an Amphi to become so
aggravated it had to vent? Was there some
sort of neglect or abuse involved? Surely
everyone has read my previous advice on
"Care of Amphi while you're away," at this address:
Perhaps it is just an anomalous expression
on Amphi's part, or maybe its your Amphi's
time of the... Well, in any event you have an
obligation to help ease your Amphi's discomfort.
To that end I have compiled the following short
list of things you can do to bring a smile back to
your venting Amphi.

1. Take Amphi to a drive-in theater, preferably
a comedy or a German/African soft porn with
monkeys, Amphis, and gratuitous frolicking.
(Still waiting for that re-release date Bilgemaster)

2. Buy your Amphi some chocolate bars. Believe
it or not - Amphi loves chocolate. I know cause
I hide chocolate from my Mermaid wife inside of
our Amphi's glovebox and it's never there when I
go to eat some.

3. Hire a clown, magician, or one of those long
skinny balloon folding dudes to put on a show
for Amphi. But avoid at all cost any of those
white faced pantomime people - these terrify
Amphi like marauding hippopotami.

4. Give Amphi a wash, wax, and back rub. As
far as I know nothing relieves Amphi's tension
like a prolonged back rub. But be sure to give a
little tickle now and then so Amphi doesn't fall

5. Take Amphi for a swim! I'm not talking
about a typical dunk, but something much more
special with all the trim, flare, and flags you can
find. Make it a special event for Amphi and be
sure to wear your best black wetsuit and red
propeller beanie hat.

Given these helpful hints on restoring Amphi's
mental well being I am confident that any and
all venting Amphis will quickly be back on the
path to happy and healthy buoyancy.

Brought to you by the Amphibious Mental
Equilibrium Sanctuary Society (AMESS)
and yours truly...

`64 Turquoise
San Diego