Amphi meets the Duck Lady (repost)

A

amphipoda

Guest
I saw her again yesterday so I thought I might as
well repost the story...

Date: Tue, 19 Sep 2000 20:17:28
Lake Miramar has its locals. Amphi and I to name a
few. There is also the "Duck Bitch." Well, at least
that's what the park rangers call her. She could pass
for a middle class transient in any major city, with a
distinct musty odor, gray hair in a sloppy bun, and a
fraction of her original teeth. She has lines in her face
from decades of sun exposure and wears vintage 60's
Rhinestone sun glasses. I'd place her at around 70+
years old and at a height of 4 and a half feet tall. Some
say "short and mean as hell." And she loves to feed
those ducks. I reckon that is her life - feeding ducks
and bitching out anyone who interferes with her duty
of feeding those darn ducks. Enter Amphi and I?

It is our custom upon departing from the lake to cruise
along the shoreline of the lake dodging fisherman and
waving to picnickers. Amphi and I know the route so
well we wait to the last second to steer clear of the old
drainage pipe and zip around the blind curve where all
the geese and water fowl congregate. And so we did,
but suddenly we were being pelted with bread crumbs.
The blind curve led us into the old lady's lair. She
shouted such obscenities Amphi nearly rolled over from
laughter. Said stuff even I couldn't post in the chat room
with a clear conscience. We left the area at top speed,
all 6.5 knots that Amphi could muster.

So we are on the boat ramp now and here comes the
Duck Bitch, walking with shear determination in her stride.
I bid her "Good evening." She halted and then looked
at me with fire in her eyes. Amphi and I were doomed.
She then extended her collapsible walking cane and
began to head straight toward us. Amphi self started the
engine and was about to leave without me when suddenly
we realized it was a white cane with a red tip. The old
girl was half blind? no lie! She groped her way over
to Amphi and asked if I'd give her a ride home. Well,
my fine finned friends I suspect a few of you know what
I did next. Yep - took her mean ass straight into the lake.
But to be honest the effect was minimal as she was so
short she couldn't see over the dash board. We headed out
straight across the lake and she began to bark out directions,
road directions, left on Lake Blvd, right on Scripps Drive,
etc. She didn't have a clue that she was in the middle of
a friggin lake. Amphi laughed so hard he stalled dead in
the water. So then this half blind Duck Lady then extends
her cane and reaches for the door latches thinking she's home!
Sheesh? a real close call there my fellow Amphibians.

Well, to make an already long story have a short ending?
the old lady is really kind of clever and was having a bit
of fun at our expense. You see the old girl can see pretty
well actually and she even confessed to doing her ploy to
get a ride in Amphi in hopes of feeding the damn ducks on
the other side of the lake.

Amphipoda
'64 Turquoise
San Diego
 
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