Amphi Medical Tips:

Discussion in 'General Amphicar Discussion' started by Amphipoda@yahoo.com, Oct 20, 2000.

  1. Amphipoda@yahoo.com
    Offline

    In an Amphi medical emergency, knowing what
    to do can make all the difference. Here are some
    tips to help you handle an unexpected Amphi injury
    or illness:

    ~ Maintain a fully inflated life preserver on board
    at all times. Note: A life size inflatable doll makes
    a good commuter lane companion as well as vibrant
    aquatic life preserver.

    ~ Keep a first-aid kit in your Amphi's glove box.
    It should contain alcohol (both rubbing & drinking),
    cotton balls, Jar-Jar Band-Aids, Suntan Lotion (SPF
    15+), and a map of Ohio.

    ~ Always keep plenty of gauze on board in case you
    invent an invisibility potion. Gauze should also be
    used to cover Amphi's eyes, as Amphi can't stand
    the sight of blood.

    ~ Make sure your first-aid kit contains a large,
    frilly Victorian fan to revive fainting victims.

    ~ If a person requires artificial respiration, and
    you are of the same sex as the person, and no one
    of the opposite sex is around to perform the life
    saving procedure, you have the option to cross-
    dress for the occasion.

    ~ Administering CPR is easy. Just do it like you saw
    them do on TV that one time. As a rule of thumb,
    always ask yourself this question: "What would
    Randolph Mantooth do?"

    ~ To stop a nosebleed, apply pressure. To start a
    nosebleed, apply even greater pressure in short,
    repeated bursts.

    ~ Have a carrier pigeon handy for contacting the
    paramedics. Cell phones should not be used as
    they cost too much to operate.

    ~ If possible, try to be the guy who tells the victim,
    "Everything's going to be all right," while others do
    the actual work.

    ~ If you did all you could and the victim still dies,
    pat him or her down for a Snickers bar. It's not like
    you don't deserve one. Also check for spare Amphi
    parts since the dearly departed won't be needing
    them anymore.

    Brought to you as an Amphibious Public Service
    Announcement by yours truly...

    Amphipoda
    `64 Turquoise
    San Diego
     
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