Amphi & Indy

[Amphipoda@yahoo.com]

Amphi & Indy

No, not Amos & Andy. Amphi & Indy !!!
Amphi and the Indianapolis 500 (a.k.a. the
BIG left turn). It all started when I dumped
the newspaper into the recycling bin and the
sports page magically escaped onto the garage
floor in front of Amphi. Did you know Amphi
is a speed reader? Well I didn't know until I
picked up the rouge sports section and was
barraged by a sea of Amphi inquiries about
how Amphi could participate in the big Indy
event. Not wanting to hurt Amphi's feelings
I mentioned the speeds involved and the real
dangers that exist in every turn, in every lap of
the Indianapolis 500 race. Can you imagine an
Amphicar racing at over 220 mph? Amphi did
get the picture, but then insisted he could be a
pre-race pace car. I had to break it to Amphi
that only current year models are granted the
honor of pace car. So naturally Amphi wanted
to know if during the Amphicar production
years if an Amphi was ever an Indy pace car?
This was getting pretty awkward for me since
I was in Huggies during the first years of Amphi
production and didn't become a race fan until
the 1980's. Also it seems only Yankee built
Detroit steel autos made it to the short list of
pace cars, but I'm not 100% sure of that. So
I did a search in the Amphi archives, but no clues
to answer Amphi's question about if there has
ever been an Amphi pace car at the Indy 500.
So I told my Amphi I would consult the great
oracle Amphi-lovers bulletin board in hopes
this is not one of those over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
kinda questions our hero the Bilgemaster
has seen a million times.

Amphipoda
`64 Turquoise
Sandy Eggo, CA

PS - Safe swimming this holiday weekend, and
enjoy the race.

 

[Bill Connelly]

In response to the following posting by Brother Amphipoda, I feel I must
shake off the debilitating ennui if only long enough to direct all those
interested in a complete register of Indy Pace Cars 1911-present to the
Official Indy 500 website's "Pace Cars" listing at
http://www.indy500.com/pacecar/ .

Although it's pretty clearly solid American steel there on the Indy 500 Pace
Car lineup from the beginning, with nary an Amphi in sight on the physical
plane, this is to underestimate the influence of Amphi on the TRANSCENDENT
plane, which is, after all, Amphi's proper domain in the cosmos, posing by
example the eternal question, "So that's it?...You're happy with just that,
Eh?". Upon a closer examination of the roster of drivers, Amphi's
influence can be immediately ascertained in the fact that Jay Leno was the
1999 pace car driver. How significant is it that on the eve of the
Millenium, Jay Leno, a known Amphiphile and owner of several Amphis was the
chosen driver? So while Leno was almost certainly coerced into driving a
cheesy Chevy Monte Carlo with a garish Tasmanian Devil paint scheme into one
l o n g left turn, can anyone doubt that at some point on that dull
circuit his thoughts may have drifted and grown wistful with aquatic visions
of regattas and of plungings headlong into the deep?

Leno's subconscious influences aside, one need not look terribly far in the
roster for other clues and presentiments of para-Amphiism at the Indy 500.
Witness the names of the pace car and driver at another threshhold of human
history, in 1938...on the very eve of World War II. There we see a "Hudson"
driven by man named "Baits". Can any reasonably sensitive North American
NOT admit to being "hooked" by this pair of monikers into visions of fishing
in that mighty New York river? If so, then why not ask the crews of
"Amphicar Task Force Woodstock: Scourge of the Hudson" about it? (see
http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/1186/). And at yet another crossroads of
human history, in 1913 AND 1914, the eve of the Great War, the "War to End
All Wars", we see a "Stoddard-Dayton" driven by a man named "Fisher".
Clearly the name "Fisher" is an obvious aquatic reference recognized by even
the most dull witted, but how many are also aware of the fact that
"Stoddard", as in "Benjamin Stoddard" (1751-1813, also spelled "Stoddert),
was a naval war hero during the American Revolutionary War and later First
Secretary of the U.S. Navy, who also participated in the transportation of
the Arcadian (i.e. "Cajun") peoples from their earlier homes in upstate New
York and Canada to their now distinctly "amphibian" habitats in Louisiana
and elsewhere?

In short, even a cursory analysis of the facts reveals the mocking influence
of the Amphicar on America's premier motoring event, the Indy 500, even
prior to Amphi's actual physical appearances on this plane of existence
during the 1960's. That these influences are normally invisible to
aficionados of other "less adept" vehicle marques is only to be expected,
and in fact, desired.

On behalf of the Trippel Institute for the Study of Dripping Phenomena, and
trustfull that you will not allow these revelations to fall into the hands
of the profane, or anyone who has ever waxed a Pinto, I am,

Sincerely yours,
Merriwether Snipes, S.A.
Associate Crank, Emeritus

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-


[...SNIP!] So naturally Amphi wanted
to know if during the Amphicar production
years if an Amphi was ever an Indy pace car?
This was getting pretty awkward for me since
I was in Huggies during the first years of Amphi
production and didn't become a race fan until
the 1980's. Also it seems only Yankee built
Detroit steel autos made it to the short list of
pace cars, but I'm not 100% sure of that. So
I did a search in the Amphi archives, but no clues
to answer Amphi's question about if there has
ever been an Amphi pace car at the Indy 500.
So I told my Amphi I would consult the great
oracle Amphi-lovers bulletin board in hopes
this is not one of those over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
& over & over & over & over & over & over
kinda questions our hero the Bilgemaster
has seen a million times.

Amphipoda
`64 Turquoise
Sandy Eggo, CA

PS - Safe swimming this holiday weekend, and
enjoy the race.