Amphi B.O. ? The Battle of the Bilge

A

amphipoda

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Amphi B.O. ? The Battle of the Bilge

No Amphi wants to smell bad -- especially convertible top-up
Amphicars. In fact, they're owners are obsessed with the idea,
constantly purchasing perfumes, colognes, air fresheners, smelling
sprays and deodorants. An awkward subject at best, bilge odor can be
embarrassing, depressing and debilitating. But you can fight back ...
and win.

Common causes: Around puberty, Amphi apocrine glands kick into
action, releasing thick secretions into bilge lining follicles.
Although odorless, the secretions produce a foul smell when mixed
with bacteria in the bilge. The problem worsens during emotional
upsets and/or ovulation, when apocrine gland secretions rise. The
oily mixture from their 20 million eccrine sweat glands doesn't help.
It cools down the hull when flushed, but it also produces a moist
environment that is tailor-made for breeding bacteria.

Toxic oil buildup and poor diet are more covert causes of bilge odor.
The more toxins the bilge pump has to filter out, the more overworked
and sluggish it becomes. Over time, the bilging process and the
detoxification pathways become clogged, resulting in encrusted waste
matter along bilge walls. This, along with the putrefaction of waste
materials (i.e., food crumbs, spilled beer, and fishing bait), not
only robs Amphi of vital nutrients, but also produces bothersome
symptoms like bad breath and bilge odor.

Winning the battle:
You'll need to help your Amphi fight on two fronts: reducing bacteria
in the bilge and keeping Amphi's body nutritionally balanced.

Here are 5 of the best weapons against bilge odor:

1 Use pH-balanced soaps and bilge-care products to maintain the
protective mantle of your bilge. Try bathing Amphi in an apple
vinegar wash twice a week or simply pour 2 cups of apple vinegar in
the bilge and rinse thoroughly. Use a shop wet/dry vacuum to remove
excess moisture from nooks and crannies.

2 Get the right bilge cavity protection. Deodorants help destroy
bacteria and disguise odors. But look out for potentially toxic,
irritating ingredients. Avoid aluminum (linked to Alzheimer's
disease) and products with emulsifiers (known to clog bilge
passageway pores). Consider products with tea tree oil, known for its
antibacterial and antifungal properties. Or use a deodorant soap,
made from mineral wax. Antiperspirants reduce bacteria-feeding
moisture -- but they block sweat glands and contain aluminum
chlorohydrate.

3 Use one-part cornstarch to one-part baking soda to absorb moisture.
Deodorize bilge after bathing with a mixture of 1 cup cornstarch to 1
cup baking soda and 6 drops of either eucalyptus or peppermint oil.
Remember to always use a shop wet/dry vacuum to remove excess
moisture from nooks and crannies.

4 Cut down on dairy products, sugars, and stinky foods. Protect your
Amphi's gastro tract from yeast-enhancing sugar. Look out for hidden
Sugars in everything from hot dogs, mayonnaise and soups to nondairy
creamers and cream-style corn. Minimize exposing Amphi to pungent
foods (i.e., fish, curry, cauliflower, head cheese, etc.)

5 Perform periodic colon rinses. Consult your local Amphicar care
specialist for an appointment and instructions on giving your Amphi
colonic hydrotherapy.

Be well, swim safe, and keep your bilge area odor free with the
advice above.

Amphipoda
'64 Turquoise
San Diego, CA
 
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